names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
