Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I fill condoms, not promises.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
