No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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