Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
