I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
