Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
