Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
