Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
