I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
