I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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