I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
