You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
