Do you still have your period?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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