Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
