Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
