I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
