My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
