he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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