so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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