He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
