Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
