i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
