i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
