when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
