hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
