"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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