i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
