you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
