You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
