My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
