Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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