would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
