sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
