to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
