We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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