Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
