I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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