So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
