she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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