His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
