In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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