i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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