we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
