Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
