i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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