dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
