roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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