Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
