2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
