is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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