Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
